Gardening Season Has Started

Last week I mentioned multi-tasking, and whether it's really any good for us.  I think I concluded that that there are degrees of it, from not doing anything at all other than being in the moment, then just concentrating on 1 current task, being present while concentrating on many tasks, and then almost disregarding the present moment and be fixated on the next one - getting to school etc.  The latter being the stressful one.

I opened up A New Earth the next day and what did I see? A bit cheeky to be pasting from this book, but I know if won't offend the author (you might need to download them first).   It's basically saying give your children YOU..and to not become just the bundle of tasks that you are doing.  I've also watched my children and while in this 'space' of being, I've noticed and learned so much.  Children do not wait.  Yes that's obvious but they are only ever being in the waiting room, playing and having fun, they do not naturally anticipate, or suspend the present moment's activities for the promise of a future one ("Sit still, you'll be going to football soon and can run around then).

This week we've been spending a lot of time in the garden.  Last year we successfully harvested Lettuce, Potatoes, Chinese Broccoli, Kale, Cabbage, Spring Onions, Chives, Rosemary and other herbs.  Below pics of our brassica and potatoes harvested this week.

We unsuccessfully tried peas, tomatoes beans, and the strawberries were mostly eaten by slugs.

This year I'm going to cover everything in a fine
netting as I did with the brassica and redo a lot of them.  We've only got a small patio so I use pots.  

 We have a garden on 5 levels, so other than the patio, a small fenced lawn area, a stoned pergola covered area, a shed on another level and a drive way at the bottom which is currently covered in a really awful compost heap from a collapsed hedge.

Lots to do but just today I cut back the hedge, trimmed the lawn and my eldest and I built a mini greenhouse and sowed tomato seeds - 3 varieties!
In the next week we are hoping to build a large wooden composter and beds for the bigger crops.  I just need the wood!

I still need to keep marketing Tiny Land so tomorrow we will be making bubble paintings in the garden too.

Yesterday was lovely we took to the forest and cooked hot dogs over the fire.  Noah - my youngest - loves the outdoors so much when we told him it was home time he layed in the earth and hugged the ground.  We're so lucky to have such wonderful weather I think spring and summer will be a scorcher!

Is multi tasking toxic?

I sometimes use angel cards.  Not very often but recently I did.  I reshuffled and reselected.  I did the same the next day (not content with the answer?  I suppose more not believing it).  The cards were the same.  Detoxify and cleanse came up.  So I went on a 1 day detox.  I had awful headaches.
I didn't think I needed to detox, after all being vegan I take lots of fruit and veg.  But I drink tea daily, and have been having a fair amount of salted foods.

I felt a little better the next day for it, but I now understand that the detox was not in relation to my food.  It was in relation to my mind.

After my revelational weekend last week, I practiced catching my thoughts.   Living in the present is not an issue for me as I went on a retreat about 6 years ago now where I learned the simple art of mindfulness and 'awoke' for the first time.  The issue for me is when the present moment consists of me in my dressing gown with 2 crying toddlers, a burning breakfast, and a knock at the door!  (I'm currently writing this on my bed with my eldest jumping up and down on it demanding I play rocket ships with him!)

I love planning, however one thing I have learnt is that when I had my eldest son, planning was still relatively achievable.  After my 2nd was born planning became futile.  Knowing when would be an appropriate moment to do x or y activity was impossible.  I couldn't say to the 2 boys, at 3pm you can't need a nappy change, have a tantrum, or need that nap you wouldn't settle for earlier.  Trying to control life when in this life situation is challenging to say the least!  Then there's Tiny Land.  My new business which I love..but I love my children more.  So I put my evenings aside for that.  My 2nd child still wakes often in the night and so even after their bedtime I usually am disturbed several times.  So I need to be realistic about what I can achieve and go for a slow burn.   I have been so busy these past few weeks I have not turned up to 2 meetings with people I have arranged! That is so unlike me.  I obviously can't plan in the same way that I used to.

Like most parents I can get cross with my children.  It is usually with the youngest as he loves to join me in the kitchen while the frying pan is on and maybe some pasta.  He loves to switch on the warming plate on the oven which is not childproof (items have melted int he past!).  He loves climbing on furniture and opening drawers that are impossible to childproof, and empty them and throw the content everywhere!   These are the moments when I lose my cool, I remove him from the kitchen and check on him intermittently (a serving hatch would be so useful!)

I have a bath once a week. Once.  Usually a Saturday.  My husband leaves at 7:15am and is not home until after 7:30pm during the week once the kids are asleep and I need that time to get other things done, so I have a wash during the week, and when he can watch the kids I have a long soak.  Sometimes I watch a program on my mac at the same time, but usually I just bathe.  It's a wonderful thing to just do 1 thing that you enjoy - so relaxing.  The rest of my time is taken up trying to multi task.  I'll be packing lunch for the boys while trying to get them and me dressed..responding to cries of "Mum, he's trying to take my toys" or "Mum he's climbed on the table again" etc.
Sometimes when I get a message from someone, I'll be so keen to answer, I'll respond there and then. Despite what I am doing at the time.  And when it's a bit chaotic and my answer under stress, I'll add an apology to the recipient about the current moment being a bit challenging etc..

Why do I do this?  Why not choose a better time to do it? Perhaps I feel there never will be a better time, but clearly now isn't the time! Sometimes I make (hands free) calls while driving.   A lot of the time the current moment is just a means to an end, I'm on my way home, I'm trying to get out of the door, I'm trying to move onto the next moment.  As if driving home isn't challenging enough, I need to cram more in!

However, how nice it is to surrender to what is currently happening, and not cram anything else in, and just focus on what you are doing.  On dressing the boys.  On driving through the countryside.  What a nicer experience for everyone when I am talking to them while not driving!  The pressure on my brain while I'm trying to plan or organise things mentally during an activity - or several -  is enormous...I tell myself I CAN DO IT..it's a mental challenge and about achieving an end goal.

But then there's another goal after that and another.   Being goal orientated is lovey, but if you are constantly SACRIFICING THE PRESENT MOMENT in favour of a future that you will only AGAIN SACRIFICE what is the point?  I sacrificed moments with my children yesterday in favour of doing some work that had a time pressure.  It felt wrong.  It then turned out that the deadline was lifted and I had more time.  It's funny how life finds a way to give you enough time to do the things you need.  More times than not it is myself who is putting me under the pressure in the first place!

Does everything have to be NOW?  Where is the space in life to listen? To smell and sense the surroundings..to enjoy the children's company...to be alive?  I used to think that muti-tasking and achieving in this way was more alive, but actually life passes so fast and you look at your now older children and think..where did THAT go?  So I am setting myself this goal:

If multi tasking is causing me to sacrifice the now..then STOP.  Allow myself to live for this moment, and schedule in the things that need doing that would cause me to live outside of this moment if I did them now.  Don't worry about WHEN I can do something..put it on a list if now isn't appropriate.  Work through the list when there is a more appropriate time.  Planning time is for planning, not sitting on the loo and trying to plan mentally.  I wonder how achievable this is, especially as I place my laptop down to get fully dressed so I can open the door to the food delivery, while my youngest is screaming and husband is busy making breakfast.  I'm hoping for a more peaceful week next week :)

You don't have to be different...you just have to 'be'

Hi again!

Last time I spoke about tolerance towards others and refraining from criticism.  I have been pondering tolerance and forgiveness and came to see that what we really need to 'tolerate' is ourselves..our own views of what should or shouldn't happen.

I then read more from Eckhart Tolle, and wanted to picture his theory which rings so true to me.  I'll try to draw it for you all for next week.
If you're not spiritual you can perceive yourself as having 2 minds, as opposed to a mind and an essence or soul.

When we say "I'll allow myself this", "I tell myself that"..(the french are big on reflexive verbs), who is the I and who is the self?  We can often hear our own internal monologue..that voice in our head telling us we are no good or someone else is no good.  We are aware of our thinking.  The one who is aware is the true you.  This doesn't change.

Throughout our life we adopt various identities or labels, explanations that may hinder or help us understand 'who we are'..I am shy, or I love people, or I am no good...all of these things change throughout our lives, we can learn to change these characteristics..how we react to the world and interact.   Obviously negative beliefs about ourselves make us feel bad and more often than not positive beliefs help us to feel good, or give us confidence.  These are just thoughts..constructs of our minds, so should be careful that we are not giving ourselves a superior position to others, making just another judgement about ourselves that reaffirms an identity..as if we should deviate from this identity we may suffer.   This hungry mental image of ourselves which loves to be superior, special, right etc..is called The Ego.

Allowing ourselves to just be in the present moment dissolves judgements, criticism, expectations etc and it CAN be done.  It is a very relaxing place to be.   It doesn't mean becoming a vegetable and not thinking at all.  On the contrary, you utilise your mind as you require it, you are no longer a slave to your exhausting
thoughts.

Among these identities is a list of rules we apply to our lives but also others...people SHOULD be kind, or SHOULDN'T eat meat..people SHOULD be christian etc etc.
When the world or people's actions don't meet with our approval, we respond with feelings of frustration, anger, jealousy etc.  In 'trying' to be tolerant sometimes we think "I will let them off not doing what they SHOULD have done"..and believe we are the better person for doing so.  Let's stick with the dishwasher example "They should have done the dishwasher, but I'll let them off"..we then expect in our own mental image of right and wrong that they should be perhaps grateful, or makeup for it..this expectation is a similar energy to when you give somebody something or do a favour and expect a great reward in return (be honest! Lol).    We are yet again trapped inside our own judgements of what life SHOULD be..rather than letting it just BE.

When we reject a situation - the current 'event' - in our lives, we are essentially saying we reject it.  And to be at war with life is not a good place to be.  Allow the reality of the current situation in..be in it, and if you have any negative feelings, be aware of them and allow them to pass gently.  Do not feed this negative energy with more thoughts....the thoughts give power to this emotion...the irritability turns to anger, which turns to rage and becomes harder and harder to let go of.

Forgiveness loses meaning when you are in this space.   By 'forgiving' you label that person's actions as WRONG..and you are right..because in order to be right, they have to be wrong.  People can make mistakes..sometimes the washing machine might have been switched to 90 degrees in error...when you're in a space of non-judgement you only see the practical thoughts..the planning the correction..OK let's check if the clothes are ok and if not then we get new ones somehow.  Nothing ever really becomes a PROBLEM.

Humans' natural state is happy..we don't put happiness in to become happy. You will be pleased to know, that you just 'remove the crap' as a dear friend put it the other day.  We are very powerful beings and are naturally compassionate and kind.  You KNOW you are..you don't need labels.  You know you can rise above the thoughts..it may be hard and take practice.  When you hear a thought being generated, stop it in it's tracks. The fact that you are aware of the thought is the first step and a great breakthrough.   Don't brood on it, let it pass, it will lose it's power.

The Time has come to blog

I'm the sort of person who blogs.  But I didn't.  I spend too much time on the internet already and have 2 young boys and a new business, so I didn't really have the time for this.  But it feels right now to share my experiences because there are a few life lessons that I have progressed through and feel I am on the verge of some exciting changes that are worth documenting.  I hope you feel it is worth reading.

This week I have been returning to reading about and progressing my spiritual side.  I don't belong to any particular church or spiritual belief system.  None of them really fit to my own ideas and primarily I believe in listening to your own senses or inner voice..using your intuition.

Buddha had wonderful wisdom, yet didn't believe in the soul.  Jesus taught us some fundamental truths, and yet I don't take much from the bible.  I take a lot from Eckhart Tolle.  That we have a mind, a body and a soul.  That our mind is useful for life, and survival..and yet we need to learn to control it and calm it when we want to remain fully present in the now, and in order to be happiest.

I have a strong sense of intuition.  I can often find a mislaid object as soon as I ask it where it is.
I also take a lot from Myers Briggs personality indicators, because it does describe me rather well.

I'm an ENFJ.  It means that other people's happiness is important to me.  That I gain energy from talking to others, and I love to plan ahead.  Having been a Project Manager for so long, I agree that I find comfort in planning.  Although a lot of that has gone out of the window since my 2nd child was born.  I do also need alone time - like most people.  I am very passionate about most things...other than sport - probably because it's not a creative energy.  I love life.  I am happiest when I feel I'm really being involved in life.  Travelling and playing music especially.  My passion for a multitude of things means that I can easily multi task on several things and get overwhelmed once committed on those.  Often I take a break from it all and then get bored and start the cycle over!

Currently I am working on 2 orders for Tiny Land.  Tiny Land is my business making Sensory Play Materials for children.  Like Play Dough, Rainbow Rice, Paints including all-natural face paints and stuff that fizzes and bubbles!  I always get excited about these because there is so much choice, I can create something new every time.  It enables me to channel that part which loves pleasing others too.  Now it's not in order to satisfy a need for affirmation or approval.  It's because of empathy.  I know what I would like, and how I would feel and so I want others to feel the same.

Often this means if I offer to help someone in a particular way, then it means I would appreciate receiving the same at a time when I need it.  But I've never been good at asking for help.  I am self dependent and self determined, and I guess get a sense of pride for doing things myself.  So I don't often ask.  Instead I ask God/the universal energy for the help I need.

I can think deeply about some things, because I love to understand people and situations.  These past 6 months I've had strong feelings towards increasing my tolerance and empathy.  It brought me to become vegan.

Beyond tolerance and empathy lies a total lack of judgement, and maybe even an absence of subjectivity.  For example..you ask your partner to empty the dishwasher.  Twice.  He/She still hasn't done it.  Many people - including myself - would be frustrated or hurt.   The same irksome behaviour is everywhere..drivers making mistakes etc.  Yet if we had just won a million pounds, we wouldn't care about the dishwasher.  It would seem so minor, and why spoil your happiness?  Just empty it yourself.  Our feelings are a response to our beliefs (They should have done it and didn't).  If we understand their reasons why - and it meets with our approval - it removes the feeling (they were busy buying you something and ran out of time).  If it doesn't meet with our approval our anger is present (they forgot).  So perhaps all we need to do is change our beliefs and expectations about what people should or shouldn't do, and we needn't be upset by anyone ever again.  Could you let go of this?

Could you genuinely absolve your parter, colleague, friend of the obligations you place on them, in return for your own happiness?  What if you needed the help?  Do you already do this?  I'd be interested to hear from you.